“O you who believe, fulfil your obligations.” (Quran 5:1)
The briefings are where the day is set up. Each lasts about an hour, and the two groups meet separately. The girls prepare for their own challenge. The mums prepare for theirs.
Both begin with the stories of refugees. Spend time on these before the practical details.
Setting them up
Hold the briefings two to three weeks before the day. A shorter gap makes it easier to keep the mums’ part quiet.
| Girls’ briefing | Mums’ briefing | |
|---|---|---|
| Length | About one hour | About one hour |
| Where | A room at your usual venue | A different evening |
| Who leads | Two leaders, one a safeguarding lead | Two leaders, including a woman who can tell stories well |
| Focus | Refugee stories, then the whole challenge | The experience of mothers as refugees, then their part and their choice |
| What they are told | Their challenge in full. That their mums are coming to support. | Everything, including the surprise, the two standards and the safe words. |
Tell families only that there is a briefing for the girls and a separate meeting for mums, on different days. That is true, and it keeps the surprise intact.
The girls’ briefing
This is for Year 10 girls only. Keep it warm, calm and honest. The aim is that every girl knows what her day involves, why it matters and how to look after herself. Use the agenda below as a guide.
| Time | What happens |
|---|---|
| 0 to 5 minutes | Welcome, a short dua and a quick round of names |
| 5 to 30 minutes | Refugee stories |
| 30 to 35 minutes | Time to talk and ask questions |
| 35 to 50 minutes | The day, step by step |
| 50 to 60 minutes | Looking after each other, and raising money |
Refugee stories
Begin with the stories, before any talk of mud or equipment. Let the girls hear what happens to ordinary families who must leave at short notice.
Choose two or three stories from your chosen charity, with permission, and from the history of our own community. Show people as capable and dignified, not only as victims. Leave room for silence and questions.
Some girls may find the stories moving. Have a quiet space and a trusted adult ready.
The day, step by step
Walk through the whole day in order: the minibus, the warm-up, the assault course, the trek, the plain meal, prayer and the closing ceremony. Explain that the day is not about winning. It is about walking a few steps in other people’s shoes, understanding a little more, and raising money for people who need it.
Then cover the practical points:
- come dressed for madrasah as normal, with an old pair of trainers;
- travel to the venue with their mum, who is coming along to support;
- bring a bag with a clean, nice outfit for themselves;
- raise money and seek sponsorship, if the group has chosen to.
Say plainly that some parts of the day are not announced in advance, because refugees are rarely given warning, and that leaders will explain each moment as it comes. Do not say more, and do not say anything untrue about the mums.
Looking after each other
Make sure every girl knows she is safe and may stop.
- Any girl can ask a leader or her buddy for a break at any time.
- Every girl has a buddy, and leaders stay close.
- Nobody is pressured to climb, crawl or wade.
- Tell a leader if something worries you, even if you are not sure why.
Raising money
Show the girls the letter to supporters, and agree the cause together. Explain that the page is run by the group and that nobody’s place depends on how much she raises.
The mums’ briefing
This is for mums only. It should feel like a quiet conversation among adults who care about their daughters. It is serious, and it treats the mums as capable women. Use the agenda below as a guide.
| Time | What happens |
|---|---|
| 0 to 5 minutes | Welcome and a short dua |
| 5 to 25 minutes | The experience of mothers as refugees |
| 25 to 40 minutes | The day, their part and the two standards |
| 40 to 50 minutes | Informed consent, safe words and forms |
| 50 to 55 minutes | Practicalities |
| 55 to 60 minutes | The secret and the promise |
The experience of mothers as refugees
The stories here are about mothers. Think of a woman who is in her kitchen one moment and out in the street the next. She is suddenly responsible for her children, her parents and herself, in extremely hard circumstances.
Share stories of women who showed courage, ingenuity and patience. Include examples from our history, such as Hajar, and Asma bint Abi Bakr during the Hijrah. Ask the mums what they would take, and who they would need to protect.
This part is meant to stir the heart, not to frighten.
Their part
Tell the mums plainly that they will take part. This is not a day out for them, and it is not a gentle one.
Explain the plan. They will travel with their daughters as supporters. Partway through the morning, after a talk about people forced to leave at a moment’s notice, they will be asked to leave comfort behind and set out at once. They will be in the clothes they came in.
Then explain why. Their daughters will see unchosen hardship through their mothers, and will see them meet it with strength. The girls have not been told, so that this is as close as possible to the real thing.
Ask them to treat it as a surprise for their daughters, and let the day unfold. It is fine, and expected, for them to grumble that they are not dressed for it. It is not a performance, and they should not play it for laughs.
The two standards
Walk through the two standards, using the table in “The stretch”. Be specific about what the full challenge involves: every obstacle attempted, a penalty if one cannot be completed, firm instructors, and the cold and the wet. Say what the penalty is and how many, as agreed in the risk assessment. Tell them plainly that instructors will be kind to the girls and firm with them, and why.
Make clear that both standards are valid. The full challenge is harder: mums who choose it are held to a real standard. Mums who choose the supported standard take part at their daughters’ level, in a white hijab.
Informed consent, safe words and forms
Give every mum time and privacy to choose. A mum who says “I’ll see” is not refusing.
Cover these points:
- the choice is hers, and no reason is needed;
- she can change her mind before the day;
- she may see her GP before choosing the full challenge;
- she can step down at any time on the day;
- nobody will mention her choice or her signals to the group.
Then teach the two safe words and the T signal. Ask everyone to stand and make the signal once, so that it feels natural on the day.
Give each mum her form to complete at home and return to the mums’ leader within a week.
Practicalities
Make sure the mums know:
- to arrive as supporters, in an elegant abaya and flat, closed shoes with a good grip;
- to travel with their daughters in the minibus;
- to give nothing away about what they will be doing;
- to bring a bag with dry underlayers, clean socks, a towel, wipes and a bin bag, and to hand it quietly to a leader on arrival;
- that plain clothes will be provided for after the meal, and why.
The secret and the promise
Ask the mums to follow the three simple rules in the surprise and the stretch. Remind them that they do not need to say anything untrue. “I’m going along to support. I’ve promised not to say more” is a complete and honest answer.
Two groups, one surprise
Once both briefings are done, the mums hold their part quietly, and the girls are simply ready for their own challenge.
Check in with each group a few days before. A short, friendly message is enough. To the girls: “All set for Saturday. Remember your bag and your trainers.” To the mums: “All set for Saturday. Remember what we agreed.”