This is the heart of the day. This section explains the one surprise in it, and what is asked of the mums. The surprise is for the girls only. Everything else is shared openly.
The surprise in one picture
On the surface, this is what everyone sees.
- The girls are going on a challenge with their madrasah.
- The mums are coming along to support.
- Partway through the morning, after a talk, the mums are asked to join. They are not dressed for it, but they set out at once.
Underneath, this is what is really happening:
- The mums have agreed beforehand. Each has chosen how hard she will take the day.
- The girls know the whole of their own challenge, but not that their mums will be asked to join.
- The girls learn the truth in the conversation after the meal.
Who knows what
The design rests on a simple difference in what each group is told.
| Group | They know | They do not know |
|---|---|---|
| Girls | Their whole challenge: the course, the trek, the meal, the prayer, the cause and why they are doing it. That their mums are coming to support. That some parts of the day are not announced in advance. | That their mums will be asked to take part. |
| Mums | Everything about the day, including their part. | Nothing. They know the girls have not been told. |
| Leaders and instructors | Everything. | Nothing. |
Why the girls are not told
The girls have what they need to give real consent. They know their own challenge in full, so nothing is hidden from them that affects their choice to take part.
The one thing they are not told is what happens to their mums. There are three reasons.
- Realism. If the girls knew, they would watch the mums’ departure as a scene. Without that knowledge, they see something close to the real thing.
- Honest reactions. No girl is asked to act a part or to hold a secret under strain. Whatever she feels, she feels.
- Simplicity. Fewer people hold the secret, so it is easier to keep.
The girls learn the truth in the conversation in Part 4. By then the experience has happened, and nothing is undone by knowing.
Why the mums are told
The mums are told that they will take part. They are not left to find out on the day.
This matters for safety and for dignity. A mum can check with her GP, choose her standard and decide in advance whether she is willing. Nobody is pushed into something in front of her daughter and her friends. She also has time to prepare for the part she will play.
Her role is to portray a woman forced from the everyday into the unknown, and to meet it with strength, patience and good grace. She chooses this, and that choice is what makes it safe. It is also what makes it moving, because her daughter believes she did not choose it, but watches her carry on regardless.
Keeping the surprise honestly
Nobody needs to lie. The mums keep a confidence, and the girls are simply not told.
If someone asks a mum what she is doing on Saturday, she can say, “I’m going along to support my daughter.” That is true. Nobody expects a mum to take part, so nobody will question it.
If a girl asks whether her mum will be doing the challenge, leaders can say, “Your mum is coming to support you, and some parts of the day are not announced in advance.” That is true too. Never say “your mum won’t be taking part”.
Ask the mums to follow three simple rules:
- Do not discuss their part with anyone outside the briefing, including friends and relatives.
- Do not talk about it on the phone or in messages.
- Do not give it away by how they dress, pack or behave.
The mums arrive in an elegant abaya and flat shoes. They are coming to support, so this looks entirely natural.
If the surprise slips
Secrets do slip. A mum may drop a hint, or a girl may overhear. This is not a disaster.
Do not scold anyone. If the surprise is spoiled for one pair, ask them to carry on as normal. The day still works, because its purpose is the experience that follows.