Consent is built into the mums’ briefing. Before she chooses, each mum is told in detail what each standard involves. She has at least a week to decide. She can change her mind before the day, and nobody asks her for reasons.
Ask any mum with health concerns to consult her GP before she chooses the full challenge, and tell her honestly that it includes attempting every obstacle, penalty exercises, cold, wet and effort.
Each mum, or stand-in, completes a form that records:
- her choice of standard;
- a health declaration, including pregnancy, recent injury or illness and any medication;
- that she understands the two safe words and the T signal;
- an emergency contact;
- her agreement to keep her part quiet.
Two safe words and the T signal
Two safe words, each with the same hand signal, let a mum stay in role and stay in control. Grumbling “We’re not dressed for this” is part of the role, so the words are chosen to be unmistakably different.
To signal, make a T with your hands, like a referee’s time-out, and say the word. Hold it until an instructor or leader acknowledges you.
| Signal and word | What it means | What happens |
|---|---|---|
| T and “Pass” | Let me out of this task. | The instructor stops the task, or any penalty. She steps round it and rejoins at the next obstacle, with no comment. |
| T and “Alongside” | I am withdrawing from the full challenge. | Penalties stop. She carries on at the girls’ level. |
The words are suggestions. Change them to suit your group, but keep exactly two. Teach them in the mums’ briefing and practise them once in the arrival session. The girls are not taught them.
Two points keep the system honest.
- Real danger. The safe words are for choosing. For anything that feels like danger, any person can say “Stop”, and any adult acts at once.
- No penalty. Using a signal is never discussed afterwards in front of others, and never counts against a mum.
The mums’ leader and every instructor carry a card with the two words and the signal.
What instructors should and should not do
Instructors set the tone. This table is a useful briefing point for them.
| Do | Do not |
|---|---|
| Hold every full-challenge mum to the same standard | Soften the course because she is a woman in an abaya |
| Speak as one adult to another | Speak slowly, softly or as to a child |
| Encourage honestly, and say what you see | Offer help before it is asked for at the full standard |
| Respond to a signal at once and without comment | Hesitate over a signal or ask “Are you sure?” |
| Treat white-hijab mums with equal respect | Single out or joke about any mum or her choice |
| Step in when you see real signs of harm, signal or not | Wait for a signal when someone is clearly in trouble |
| Give the same fixed penalty to every full-challenge mum | Invent penalties, or make personal remarks about clothes, body, faith or motherhood |
| Keep a firm, brisk manner, about the task | Shout in a mum’s face or humiliate her |
| Be kind and encouraging with the girls | Use the mums’ firmer tone with the girls |
Safety comes before the theme, always.
With the surprise and the stretch settled, you can now turn to the practical choices.