The stretch

The mums are asked to go beyond what is comfortable, and to be held to higher expectations than their daughters. This is the stretch.

Its purpose is not to embarrass anyone. It is to give the mums a real taste of being thrown into the unexpected, with others watching and depending on them. Refugee mothers do this for months or years. The mums do it for a morning and an afternoon.

What the day asks of them is serious:

• to accept the call to leave without delay or ceremony;
• to take on the course at the standard they chose, in the clothes they came in;
• to attempt every obstacle, or take the penalty and move on, if they chose the full challenge;
• to keep going, and to encourage the girls as they do;
• to look out for each other, and to use the signals if they need them.

Remove barriers, not challenge

Women are too often treated as fragile beginners who want a gentler day. This blueprint does not do that. Never lower the challenge because the mums are women, or because they wear an abaya.

Change only what stops the challenge being safe or dignified:

• women-only instructors and private changing, where possible;
• hijabs pinned so they do not snag;
• sturdy shoes with good grip;
• clear safety rules, and a way to stop at any time.

Do not shorten the course, lower the walls or offer a bypass because a mum looks “delicate”. The clothes are part of the challenge.

Two standards, chosen in advance

Each mum chooses one of two standards before the day. Both are real ways to take part. The short version is this: instructors are kind to the girls, and firm with those mums who choose the full challenge.

The choice is only about how hard the instructors push. It does not decide whether a mum takes part. Every mum is in role, hears the same call and receives the same respect. Instructors use the hijab colour to see at a glance who is on which standard.

Choosing the supported standard is not a lesser way of taking part. It is an informed choice. Nobody comments on it, and instructors never press.

A mum may step down from the full challenge at any time using the signals below. She cannot step up on the day, because her health check and consent were made for the standard she chose.

If a girl asks about the white hijabs, a leader can say, “The colours help the instructors.” That is true.

Kind to the girls, firm with the mums

This is the heart of the two standards, and it needs saying plainly. With the girls, instructors encourage, adapt and allow an easier line. With full-challenge mums, they do none of these things unless asked.

For a full-challenge mum, three rules apply:

1. She attempts every obstacle. There is no bypass and no pass.
2. If she cannot complete one after a fair attempt, she does the penalty and moves on. A penalty is not a punishment for failing. It is the price of the easy way out.
3. The instructor’s manner is brisk, firm and without sympathy, and it is always about the task.

The penalty is a short exercise, such as press-ups or squats, in any version she can manage. Agree the exercise and the count in advance, keep them the same for every mum and write them into the risk assessment. A small number, such as ten, is plenty.

Firm does not mean cruel. Instructors never make personal remarks about a mum’s body, clothes, faith or motherhood. They may raise their voices, but do not shout in her face or humiliate her in front of others. The mums have been told exactly what to expect, and chose it.

Penalties stop at once when a mum uses a signal, looks cold or unwell, or is hurt. Nobody is ever penalised for using a signal. An instructor checks in on any mum who has done several penalties in a row.